what’d you get saddled with?
—I wasn’t saddled with anything. it’s coraline.
caroline what?
coraline. coraline jones.

when you start liking someone: ah fuck





Deadpool #10

Oh deadpool….

no one ships spideypool harder than deadpool

and nobody denies it harder than spiderman


tumblr island would be the farthest thing from a judgment free environment and would probably be the cause of a couple dozen murders and an unintentional reenactment of lord of the flies



one time i was at dr. seuss land at universal studios in orlando and i saw the grinch so i went up to him and i said “i’m glad you stole christmas because i’m jewish” and the dude in the costume got down on one knee and proposed to me

I honestly didn’t expect a story about me being proposed to by the grinch to get 3,000 notes but alright I’ll take it


my saturday was going pretty well until i realized it was sunday

In which my dad learns about purses and jeans sizes.
My dad: Your sister's crazy. Who'd want a $200 purse?
Me: She does.
My dad: What is it with ladies purses, anyway?
Me: (glancing at my purse) What do you mean?
My dad: How did that start--I mean, why do women use them? Doesn't it get tiring carrying a bag around all the time?
Me: (stands up and turns around) See those pockets?
My dad: ... Yes?
Me: What can I fit in them?
My dad: What?
Me: How many things do you think I could fit in my pockets? Honestly. How many things?
My dad: Doesn't look like you could fit much.
Me: A pack of Orbit, some folded bills, and that's about it. That's why we use purses--because we can't carry our shit in our pockets like you do.
My dad: But I can fit my wallet, my keys, and my cigarettes in my pockets!
Me: And your jeans also fit the way they should.
My dad: I'm almost afraid to ask, but what do you mean?
Me: Your jeans are sized by, what, your inseam and waist, right?
My dad: ... Aren't yours?
Me: I'm a size 3.
My dad: 3 what?
Me: No, just a 3. A size 3.
My dad: What does that mean?
Me: I actually have no idea. I'm a size 3 in these jeans. In some other jeans, I'm a 5. I'm a 7 in my favorite pair of shorts.
My dad: Wait, it's not the same?
Me: Nope. A size 3 in one brand's jeans is completely different from a size 3 in another brand.
My dad: That's fucking stupid! How do you shop for them?!
Me: With great difficulty. This is why when you ask me what I did during the week and despite the fact I know you won't care I sometimes tell you I found a pair of jeans. Because finding a pair of jeans that fit and fit well is like finding the Holy Grail with your name encrusted in diamonds on it


One of the greatest moments in anime history. 










Don’t know if we can look at Coke every the same way again. Be prepared to cringe when you watch the full video  here. 

sugar caramelizes when heated, more shocking news to follow

It’s like that guy setting coffee creamer on fire and being like “people drink this stuff!” and it’s like yeah, a dry powder suspended in air is flammable, shock horror.


Never show these guys how candy is made, they’ll shit themselves.

*quietly facepalms forever*

I hate when people try to prove foods are unhealthy using properties utterly unrelated to their value as foods.  You can make anything sound gross if you want to.

Did you know that salt is the same chemical we use to defrost sidewalks?!?!

Did you know that water is a major component in pig urine?!?!

Did you know that bread is made of wheat that has been ground into a powder and artificially reconstituted into a loaf shape using a fungus?!?!

Did u know that oxygen is what Hitler used to breathe?????

Bless all this